Still Loving My Decision!

It's been almost 4 years since I bigchopped and I tell you, it has been a journey and I've learned a lot. I've learned that you can't make anyone "go natural," but sometimes after seeing your journey they realize that they want to try it. At least two of my closest friends have gone natural since I big chopped. They both transitioned, but they now are no longer under the thumb of a relaxer and for that I am proud to have set an example for them. Now, back to me...and my hair! We have become one. My 4B, thick and course hair has been quite the committment, but I've committed to me and I have no regrets. My hair is very coily and tight, it took me almost 2.5 years to realize that I needed to stretch my hair to make it more manageable. I've stretched with twists, dry twists and the tension method. This helps me to be able to manage my hair and be more flexible with styling. I started with an inch and now my hair is over 11 inches long. I've tried a few things, notably color. I've colored my hair twice since I bigchopped and I love it. It gives me variety since I don't really like short styles and I wanted length. Products: I tend to mix Garnier and Aussie moist. I'm not stuck on any one conditioner because I always use more than one. I'm no product junkie but every now and then I like to try new things, if it doesn't work I give it away. My staple products are anything "Shea Moisture" and the following items mixed together after washing and before styling: Aloe Vera Grape Seed Oil Infusium 23 Leave in Condition Water I add either olive oil, almond oil, or avocado oil to my hair when it gets dry.

Embrace your natural hair and it will EMBRACE you...

So many women are still very afraid of their OWN hair. It would almost be like being afraid of your nose or being afraid of your eyes. Odd, huh?

Well, it's true. My sisters are asking me how I was able to walk away from the long, beautiful, flowing relaxed hair. Some are even afraid of being out in public with their kinky, curly hair. I can't lie and say I've never fel that way before. I have. I quickly shook off that feeling. One of my natural sisters said it best when hoping to convince an apprehensive natural to come to the other side, "It's like jumping in a pool," she said. Just do it and the water eventually feels warm. For me, I had those initial moments, but I didn't let it rattle me, and people got used to my new hair real quick. Did you hear that? I said new, but my hair really wasn't "new," it was hidden.  

Make up your mind if you want to do it. You simply can't straddle the fence on this one or you will remain in a conflicted state. No one wins when you straddle. Just do it. Was it easy for me? Sort of, because I had a made up mind and I didn't care what anyone had to say. I was going to do it no matter what. I guess after I quietly big chopped at 2 am without warning any of my friends, including my husband there was no turning back!

I admit, there were times when I looked in the mirror and didn't like the big chop. As much as I loved posing for the camera, there were times when I shyed away. God knows I had my moments, but not once did I regret my decision. Then, my hair started growing and it wouldn't stop! Eventually, I realized it wasn't a struggle at all.

Yes, some will decide to go natural and still wear their hair straight. That wasn't my journey. I knew I wanted to go kinky! After having a relaxer for over twenty years, the very thought of straightening my hair sends me into a confused state of mind. Why would I want to chance ruining a years worth of growth? What if my hair doesn't revert back? I never thought I'd not want to straighten my hair or that even considering it would be an issue for me. The thought of straightening my hair makes me feel like a CHEAT! I guess I feel "married" to my natural hair and I'm committed to it. We are finally connected. I'm one of those hard core naturals. I have no desire to wear wigs, weaves, nothing! It's just me and my kinks and without warning or notice we have become one. EMBRACE it and you will become one with your hair.

Written by Author, Blogger, Public Speaker, De'Vonna Bentley-Pittman

https://www.createspace.com/3775710

Shave Off Your Hair, If You're Bad!

Deciding to take the big chop or transitioning is a very big step. To do it incites boldness and bravery, but it demands commendation! In this walk I've seen women who have literally SHAVED their heads bald. Have you seen this? Even before I notice the curves in her hips, the feminine stance or the perfect girly lips, I know she is ALL woman. She exudes confidence, self love, elegance, brilliance, beauty,  power and love. Let's face it, her presence is electrifying! When she walks into a room, she demands the attention of everyone; men, women, and children alike, but please FORGIVE her, she doesn' do this on purpose. She couldn't possibly fathom  the power she would garner once taking this amazingly daring leap of faith. After the dive she feels the constant glares, she senses the whispers, and she knows that she controls the room in some odd sort of way. She is powerful. The essence of a woman who dares to cut off every strand of her "glory" demands the respect of not only a culture, but of a society, and when she walks in the room...she gets it.

(Inspired by KMOJ's Lisa Moy, Sernicia, and Kendis) You go girls!

Now, I didn't shave my hair completely off as these brave women did, but it's been 11 months since I chopped my tresses from ten inches to a half inch. I've learned sooo much. I big chopped at 2am after transitioning for only 5 months. I'd had enough! My hair was much easier to deal with when it was really short, but when it started growing, the maintenance was almost overwhelming. I realized I needed to be patient and to LEARN my hair, something I'd never done. With that I wanted to share a few things for those of you who are considering going down this road to "glory".

The "Ten Commandments for Naturals"

1. Do your research first, find out what people are saying on youtube and natural hair blogs. Remember, you will ultimately need to find out what works for YOUR hair.

2. Make sure this is what you really want to do, there is no turning back. Once your hair hits the floor it's a done deal.

3. Be preapared for naysayers and those who just aren't used to seeing you "like this". Don't get upset when people ask "why did you cut off your hair, or if they tell you they "liked your hair better before" (straight and long). They have a right to their opinion. Be honest and communicate your thoughts as well. Don't walk away from the conversation wishing you would have responded differently.

4. Try everything until you find out what works for your hair, AND then stick to it. Protective styles such as twists, flat twists and braids keep you from putting your hands in your hair and from prematurely pulling strands from the root. Get used to the twists. If you haven't worn braids or other things in your hair, it will take some getting used to. You have to get adjusted to seeing those "things" in your head.
5. Take risks! Natural hair is a lot more "forgiving" than relaxed hair. If it doesn't fall the way you want, it still looks funky in a great kinda way!

6. Don't compare your hair to anyone else's and know that what works for someone else may not work for you. 

7. Be patient, your hair will grow, you will get used to the new you, and other people will get used to it as well. Use flat twists to stretch the hair, it will be growing and you won't realize it for a while if you get lots of shrinkage like I do.

8. Be a good support for others considering this route and don't bash those who aren't ready to get rid of the creamy crack just yet.

9. Condition, Condition, and Co-wash! 

10. EMBRACE it! Allow yourself to fall in love with your hair, the hair God gave you. Enjoy the opportunity to finally get to know all of you! It will make it easier for everyone else when you embrace it.

After one year -- I'm loving this stage, can't wait to see what happens next, this hair does its own thing sometimes!

Written by Author, Blogger, Public Speaker, and Sexual Abuse Advocate De'Vonna Bentley-Pittman

Author of "My Pretty and Its Ugly Truth" A Memoir

https://www.createspace.com/3775710

Indian Remy? Not!

I've never been one to wear weaves. I guess I've never even been one to wear artificial nails, or anything else artificial for that matter. That's been my own preference. I surely don't knock those who do. So, for years, I made do with the THICK hair that God gave me. My stylist told me that I had the hair every beautician loved, and the hair every client wanted. I had a head full of thick, long, shiny hair. Though, not artificial, it wasn't mine. My own natural hair had been manipulated. It had been brought into subjection through the use of harsh chemicals and forced straight, so it would behave the way society wanted it to behave. I cut off society's mirror image of me, and since then, I've redefined me, "De'Vonna Pittman," the way God created me, with thick, coily, kinky, beautiful, hair! Lots of it!  

 I never thought I'd do the big chop and live to tell about it ;-), but I have! I love my hair so much these days, and I haven't had one single day of regret. It's now been five months since I cut off my long, straight, lucious relaxed locks and I'm still in heaven. My only regret is...not doing it earlier.


P.S. Remember to pick up a copy of my memoir, "My Pretty and Its Ugly Truth" at amazon.com, Kindle or Nook. Check out my website . https://www.createspace.com/3775710

                                                                        09/2011

03/2012

05/2012

I Did It...I'm 100% Natural - After the Big Chop!

Many have asked "Whyjadoit?!?!?!?!"

Here's the reason:

Well, I planned to grow out my relaxer and to cut the ends along the way until all of the "perm" had been trimmed off. I've worn my hair past my shoulders for years. After five and a half months of trying to grow the relaxer out and my natural hair in, it had become a "project" that I didn't have time for. I was spending more time trying to figure out how to make the two textures comply than I had with a relaxer! For me, the two textures were NOT working and I had to make a decision. I encouraged my daughter to go natural five months ago and she cut off her locks to start her new journey, but me...I was afraid. Afraid of how I'd look. Afraid that my nose would be too big, afraid that I wasn't ready for the texture that God had given me. So, while I watched my daughter love her own low-maintenance-natural hair I was struggling with the fear of not having my long, bouncy, flowing, relaxed hair. I was afraid that my facial shape wouldn't fit the "BIG CHOP". Boy, was I wrong.

As my own natural hair was growing in I was eventually able to feel and get acquainted with the shape of the tight curls growing from my scalp. Normally, I'd slap relaxer on them before they had a chance to bend and form. The transition allowed me to feel the coils that had developed in my natural curl pattern, and I was intrigued by them. Without even realizing it, I had fallen in love with my own hair...and it made it easier to let go.

After living with a relaxer for over thirty years of my life, I cut my hair off at 2:00 in the morning --- and when I woke up, the realization of it had to be assessed. I touched my head and thought...'Wow, it wasn't a dream, I realllllyyyyy cut off all my hair.' BUT! I wasn't sad.  I've never been happier with a decision. I LOVE the new me. What's even more exciting to experience is the reactions that I get from people the first time they see my new short natural hair cut, "I love it. Wow it fits you. I could never cut off all my hair my heads too big. My hair is too "nappy," What made you do that. Wow, you're are brave, and then there are those that don't say anything at all. After knowing me for 10+ years, they are in such shock that I cut off my locks that, "If you don't have nothing good to say," they choose to say nothing. Well, I'm glad I did it. I've carved out so much more time for myself and I'm not spending valuable time in a salon or on the road trying to get there.  This decision was mine and mine alone, but I know that many others will follow.  

The freedom and liberation that I feel cannot be put into words, I guess you just have to try it yourself  to experience what I'm feeling lol. Well, make sure you are ready...because I was.  I'm so happy. Thanks everyone for your support during my journey.

Find me at http://www.devonnapittman.com/